After my divorce, the ex and I became friends. We had an off and on relationship which was dependent upon how much “you’re divorced so you shouldn’t be friends”type of bullshit was actually fed to him. We both had several conversations to discuss how much we cared and respected each other. We also agreed that we weren’t going to fall prey to childish divorce taboos. We got a lot sickenly well when we were in each other’s company, we did not want taboo to get into the way of remaining friends. I learned that the ex actually meant the complete opposite of everything that he had told me—which placed me into the vulnerable position every time he cut me off as a friend and within a few weeks later, he’d appear in front of my face again as if nothing ever happened.
In between the course of this flippity floppity relationship, I even managed allowed him to think for me. One day, he expressed how maintaining a close relationship with my in-laws was ‘against the rules of divorce’ (specifically..visiting in-laws during certain times of the year--includes Holidays--was out of line). I fell for his bullshit. I stopped speaking to my in-laws and decided that “disappearing off the face of the earth” was a good thing to do in order to solidify my friendship with my ex.
Maybe he was right?After all, he had my best interests at heart. He’s such a good friend, he only wants what's best for me.
Hmmm.
Wrong.
After several attempts at maintaining our ping-pong/give-take relationship, I finally had the balls to tell him how horrible of a person he is. After some negative exchanges, I decided that he didn’t deserve to be on my priority list. So, I put him on the “if he was on fire I wouldn’t save him with my own piss” list. Or better yet, “I’d love to watch him get mauled by a bear. I think I’d really like that” list (don't worry... i've recently stopped feeling extreme hatred towards this fellow).
The lost of him as a friend made me think about how wrong it was for me to cut-off his family. I loved my mother-in-law from day one. I love the family’s willingness to accept me as their own, even after barely spending much time in their company. Attempting to ‘write off’ people who unconditionally love you (and who you love also) is not humanly possible.To deny myself the right to an extended family—especially when my own family isn’t very close—is not a healthy thing to do. Especially if these people are willing to be a part of my life even after the ex decided to leave me. That says alot.
Surprisingly, my mother-in-law texted me this week. I didn’t know whether I should call her. I didn’t know if I should follow ‘the rules to being divorced’ (if there is such a thing). I asked friends for advice on what I should do, which didn’t help much (sorry guys = } ). I was also worried about how she'd feel about me after not speaking to her for so long.
How would I explain myself? Would she expect me to explain myself?
In the end, I called. I haven’t spoken to her since May but we managed to pick up right where we left off…not explanations needed... even after all this time apart.
