I'm not sure why I'm still "lending" myself to my ex. I can still recall my time in Las Vegas. I hit rock bottom once I arrived to the "armpit of America" (Vegas). I left my friends in Germany behind & I was embarking on a new adventure--living with my then-husband as a "real" married couple. The change in environment (workplace & living) ruined me psychologically. As icing on the cake, my husband was not a great listener. He manipulated me ("giggles"... what co-workers & patients of mine called me) into thinking that I was the most wretched, selfish, miserable humanbeing to ever enter his life. There were many days in which I would makes pleas for him to listen to me. Instead of listening, he'd stop me mid conversation and tell me to stop talking because if I had ANYTHING negative to say... he wasn't going to listen to me. He was relishing in his newfound freedom (exited the military) and he did not want me to rain on his party (so I assume). Especially with his many trips he took without me (ex. Australia). It wasn't his fault that I had a full-time job (military) still... right? Back on track.. my stinky work environment, my stinky new home--Vegas, the lack of friends, my overall lack of having family, and the discovery of my manipulative/invalidating husband... allowed me to venture off into "crazy" town.
Fast forward. I'm out of the military and living in Denver... divorced. My ex and I agree to be "friends". I'm offering myself to him as a support system. The type of support system that I can only dream of ever having. I'm there for him no matter how shitty he continues to treat me while attempting to maintain a "friendship" with him. I'm not sure why I lend myself out to such an ungrateful person. I don't know why I care. I'm guessing it's because I have no one else to care for while living here. I have no one to be there for me. I have no one offering to drive over to my apartment so they can cheer me up.
